Step 1: knit swatch. Swatch 18 stitches to 4″, matching gauge. Good. Cool.

Step 2: spend three weeks knitting half a sweater, mostly in front of YouTube/Netflix, to avoid social media and stress snacking.

Step 3: try on sleeve. Sleeve hilariously, disastrously too big. Like “could fit another arm in there” big. Discover this at 11pm.

Step 4: attempt to sleep on decision. Stare into the void a whole lot at 2am.

Step 5: wake up. Coffee. Repeat.

Step 6: measure sweater stitches. 15 stitches to 4″, not 18. Have sinking feeling unrelated to coffee consumption. Figure out a way to try on whole half sweater while it remains on the needles. Enlist help.

Step 7: oh no

Step 8: sweater way too big. Like way, way too big. Not “Tokyo Waif” too big (oversized but drapey in cute way) but like “oh shit it’s a 3-person tent” too big.

Step 9: have another coffee, stare into the abyss for long enough that your partner asks if you are okay.

Step 10: ???

Step 11-14: ???

Step 15: finish sweater and enjoy! Don’t forget to co-ordinate with your mask for a cute 3rd lockdown look in April!*

*please note I am on Step 9. Steps 10-15 remain purely hypothetical and possibly unknowable.

Update: (please turn audio on)

If you want to destroy [a] sweater…

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