…That’s the last launch gag title, promise.
THANK YOU to everyone who tuned in. My publisher said it was one of her best launch streams. We had an active chat. People reached out to say that they enjoyed my readings. It was a great launch, by any small-press metric.
There were a few audio hiccups before we got started, but then it was smooth sailing. I had only one moment of sheer panic and that was when my publisher asked me for my goddamn bio and I blanked out. So that was a bit embarrassing in hindsight, mostly for the mirth my friends had at the look of terror on my face. (I have since written a bio out and put it near my monitor. I have no more zoom interviews coming up but I intend to learn from my mistakes anyway.)
Other than that, I feel like I came off reasonably articulate. It’s surprisingly difficult to answer questions, even when you know the person who’s asking them. A lot of them required a decent amount of thought – thought I had to manage while still being aware of dead air and the fact that people are watching, and waiting. And also managing what my face was doing at any given time. (So maybe it’s not surprising that it’s not easy.) But I did all right.
I enjoy doing readings, and had prepped two: the first one for vibes, and intrigue; the second for action. Both went off well, and were enjoyed. The chat was active, and asked a lot of good and interesting questions! (See above) I gave reasonably interesting answers! It was a launch interview!
And immediately after it was done, I walked out into the living room where my cutie and some friends were gathered to watch the stream on the TV. I felt almost light-headed from relief. I got high-fives and hugs and cupcakes and flowers – I am really very lucky – but I don’t remember most of it because of the euphoria of it’s over. It’s done.
I don’t know when generalized anxiety solidified into dread. Probably during the summer, when things got finalized and I had to start prepping. Could I tell you exactly why it became dread? Probably not. But it was, a very palpable no i don’t want to don’t make me no no no no feeling, and I hadn’t realized how heavy that feeling had become until the euphoria after. Until I realized my shoulders were no longer around my ears. Until I made a stupid joke about 420 on the menu the next day at brunch and giggled and my friend remarked “oh wow, you were stressed” – the inplication being it had been while since I had laughed at something so small and stupid.
I am very lucky, to be so supported, and to have the opportunity to share Curve with the world in such a way.
I found the process of launching my novel into the world very stressful at times.
Both of these statements can be true, and I don’t think they even contradict each other. Anyone reading this who is yet to be published is free to think that I am bitching over nothing, and that I should just shut up and be grateful1; I know I had such moments of jealousy (still do, at times) when reading about authors on book tours or such. “I would love to be stressed out about such a momentous event.” I’m only human. Success looks fun, especially when the work needed to reach it is hidden. I have red-carpet daydreams, even after reading interviews with people who talk about the darker underbelly of such success.
There needs to be space to talk about the stress. The disappointments. The worry. The shoulder-tightening anxiety. And that was from a one and a half hour zoom meeting, in my own office. The original plan was to launch on site in a bookstore, with strangers. For, like, hours. I can’t imagine it right now. I find it hard to believe I imagined it before, and looked forward to it.
I am very lucky. I am supported, and I have found people who enjoy what I do.
I don’t know any other novelists who read this blag, but if you do, and if you’ve also felt ashamed for dreading your own launch, well, know that you’re not alone.
But you got through it. Likely, with a modicum of aplomb. It’s done now.
On to the next one.
- Indeed, anyone reading can think whatever they want, whenever they want! Thoughts are free! Comments are closely moderated, however. ↩︎
Leave a Reply