{"id":1589,"date":"2021-02-25T10:14:39","date_gmt":"2021-02-25T15:14:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/?p=1589"},"modified":"2021-02-25T10:18:28","modified_gmt":"2021-02-25T15:18:28","slug":"how-to-knit-a-sweater-the-pandemic-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/2021\/02\/25\/how-to-knit-a-sweater-the-pandemic-way\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Knit a Sweater, the Pandemic Way"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 1:<\/strong> knit swatch. Swatch 18 stitches to 4&#8243;, matching gauge. Good. Cool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 2:<\/strong> spend three weeks knitting half a sweater, mostly in front of YouTube\/Netflix, to avoid social media and stress snacking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 3:<\/strong> try on sleeve. Sleeve hilariously, disastrously too big. Like &#8220;could fit another arm in there&#8221; big. Discover this at 11pm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 4:<\/strong> attempt to sleep on decision. Stare into the void a whole lot at 2am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 5:<\/strong> wake up. Coffee. Repeat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 6:<\/strong> measure sweater stitches. 15 stitches to 4&#8243;, not 18. Have sinking feeling unrelated to coffee consumption. Figure out a way to try on whole half sweater while it remains on the needles. Enlist help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 7:<\/strong> oh no<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 8:<\/strong> sweater way too big. Like way, way too big. Not &#8220;Tokyo Waif&#8221; too big (oversized but drapey in cute way) but like &#8220;oh shit it&#8217;s a 3-person tent&#8221; too big.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 9:<\/strong> have another coffee, stare into the abyss for long enough that your partner asks if you are okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 10:<\/strong> ???<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 11-14:<\/strong> ???<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Step 15:<\/strong> finish sweater and enjoy! Don&#8217;t forget to co-ordinate with your mask for a cute 3rd lockdown look in April!*<br><br>*please note I am on Step 9. Steps 10-15 remain purely hypothetical and possibly unknowable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Update:<\/strong> (please turn audio on)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video\"><video height=\"2160\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 2160 \/ 2160;\" width=\"2160\" controls muted src=\"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Sweater-Meme-Small-1.mp4\"><\/video><figcaption>If you want to destroy [a] sweater&#8230;<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In my non-writing life I am attempting to knit a sweater. It&#8217;s going about as expected<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":440,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,7],"tags":[266,248,265,267],"class_list":["post-1589","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-personal","tag-crafting","tag-pandemic","tag-sweater","tag-weezer"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1589","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1589"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1589\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1596,"href":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1589\/revisions\/1596"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/440"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1589"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1589"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/victoriafeistner.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1589"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}